Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
