walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
