You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
