ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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