3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
