i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
