I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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