3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
