He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
