i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
