Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
