i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
