I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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