I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
