You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
