its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
