shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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