How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
