Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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