Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
