We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
