Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
