just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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