Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
