if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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