im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
