Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
