it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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