So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Let's get the cat blown out
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
