happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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