i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
