nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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