the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
