so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
