so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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