Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My underwear smells like fireworks.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
