You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
