Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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