i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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