I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize