You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
