He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I am available for nakedness
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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