bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
