The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
