its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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