we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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