think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize