You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
