This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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