all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
