Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
