For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
