how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
