What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
