I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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