marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
