they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
