I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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