he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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