They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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