in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He did a backflip because drugs
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
