At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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