Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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