it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
