how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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