is your mom at the bar?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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