Your face is a jimmy john
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
