i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
