Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
