i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
