You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
