how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
