Apparently you make a good broom.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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