Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
