Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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