My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
