Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
