woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
