if i can run in heels then i can drive
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
